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Once I get my heart back in my hand,
I’ll squeeze out every drop of love I can,
To rid myself of you,
I want with all my soul,
But what I want is out of my control.
I’ve had this post in my head for a long time now but never found the motivation to just sit down and write it. Over time it becomes a bit embarrassing to have a post like the previous one on the front page. Not to say that it still isn’t relevant or valid anymore, but over time, as I alluded to, things start to get less intense and raw and you learn to deal with things better. That’s not to say that I’m totally back to my normal self but, despite a few indiscretions, I’m at least managing to cope a bit better now with the whole lack of ‘a certain person’ in my life. I’m taking the whole out of sight out of mind approach so I’m not going to dwell on this topic for any longer than I have to because to do so would in itself be counter productive and pointless.
So instead I’m going to write about how excited I am for my holiday this year. Having not gotten a holiday last year I am sorely needing one. There’s something about being away from home with your mates in the glorious sunshine that just makes the banter so much better and you always have an ace time. The fact we’re going to California for 3 weeks this year as well just means it’ll be extra special. At the end of last year I was doubtful as to whether I’d be able to afford it, but thankfully due to a bonus in January this has now become a reality. Combined with the fact that I’ve finished paying off my student loan and don’t have to pay council tax for the next 2 months also means it’ll be easier to save towards it! The plan is to go to LA, Las Vegas, San Diego and back to LA again. I’ve got the days booked off now so it’s all a reality as far as I’m concerned and there’s nothing that’s going to stop me going, even if I have to sell my car to get the last of the money, come hell or high water I’m getting on that plane.
I’ve had quite a lot of fun going out in town recently as well. Good random night out with Baz and his work mates, the circle of death night at Brockie’s with his work colleagues and the drunk Friday nights at the Albyn with my own work mates. Not sure my liver is enjoying it as much as I am, but for the moment I’m just trying to pass the time by having as much fun as I can. It all helps towards getting myself back to how I was before I had my heart broken. It’s a gradual process that isn’t going to happen over night but I’m taking steps in the right direction. I even had a date a couple weeks ago with a girl who’s a paramedic. I went out one random Thursday night with Graeme from work and met her in Espionage. As it turned out on our date we had very little in common and despite having a good time we both mutually decided that it wasn’t going to work. We were so different that towards the end of the night it actually became quite funny. It just goes to show you that when you meet someone after you’ve had a few drinks it doesn’t always mean you’re going to be right for each other come the next meeting. In all honesty though I think it was a bit too soon for me anyway and even if we had hit it off really well I’d find myself questioning whether or not it was actually her as a person I was enjoying spending time with or just the feeling of spending time like that with a girl I was missing.
I’ve been getting back into squash a lot recently, usually try and go twice a week. Tuesday’s I play Graeme and then Thursday I play James. It’s good fun and it really gets the heart going. After going climbing for so long which is more about muscular strength as opposed to stamina it really made me realise how unfit I am. That’ll all change though hopefully if I manage to keep going as often as I can. Having the corporate membership from work though for the ASRC is really handy. I’m meant to be playing tomorrow night with a couple other guys from work so I’ll have to see how that pans out.
Going climbing on Wednesday night for the first time in a few months. I really have no idea how I’m going to get on. I imagine a lot of my strength will have gone and I’ll be back to struggling up the grade 5 routes but I’m hoping to at least make a decent attempt of a 5+/6a route tomorrow, although hearing how James has been doing recently I fear that I may be being a bit too optimistic.
There’s also been some talk of a ‘Ice Hockey for all’ thing starting up somewhere in town which I’m quite keen to get in on. I used to enjoy playing street hockey back in my rollerblading days so it’ll be interesting to see just how transferable the skills are from tarmac to ice. One thing’s for sure, it’ll be a hell of a lot colder.
Had a Dyce pub crawl the other weekend with Data, Dj, Sho, Brock and Ryan. We went to I think 7 pubs and 2 houses as part of the pub crawl and got well and truly wasted before heading back into town. The photos on facebook tell the story quite well and certainly demonstrate our level of drunkenness. I’m planning an Inverurie pub crawl for my birthday in April, starting at my parent’s then heading to all the pubs in Inverurie more or less in a straight line down the road, finishing in Edwards before getting a train into town. More on that nearer the time.
Not got much else to say really, been totally digging David Gray’s new album recently, especially songs like Kathleen, Harder and Breathe. Also the new Biffy Clyro album is keeping my ears happy just now too.
I’m not sure how good this post is but at least it gets something a bit more upbeat on the front page. And Jam was bugging me for not updating it the other day as well so at least now he’ll be happy! ![]()
Current mood: Alright
Currently Listening to: Biffy Clyro - Many of Horror
Laters
Posted by on Goatie at Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:33:09 -0000
Posted by on QE2, wendy, poem, video poem, QE2 crew at Mon, 08 Feb 2010 11:30:00 -0000

Posted by on Blogging, Bloggers, Football, Internet, Blogfodder, Sex at Sun, 07 Feb 2010 00:11:00 -0000
Posted by on rant, Red Bull, My FIlm, student life, Vincents, school, Dazza, Dave at Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:11:00 -0000
Posted at Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:08:53 -0000
Posted by at Fri, 05 Feb 2010 12:22:00 -0000
I tell you starting your forties is a freaky experience. One recurring leitmotif that rears its head every so often like that beast in the trash compactor onboard the Death Star in Star Wars every so often is this: that I should have sorted myself out by now.
I have compiled a list of things that if you asked anyone they would say someone who is forty should have sorted out by now:
I am failing on all those fronts. This year I am to be a shivering, brace wearing, pensionless, career-wanting, possibly sequined short wearing(at least at one point on the Henny) bridesmaid to my friend, Sezza, the Demon Bride of Peterculter. Along with my similarly misguided (but, crucially, five years younger sister), Misssy A. My mother keeps on insisting that we’re Matrons of Honour, but really, where’s the honour in that?
Elderly bridesmaiding aside, the pension thing is the most confusing. Meeester keeps on saying things like “I’ve looked at my pension and we can’t afford to be alive past sixty. Let’s do a Sid and Nancy...which one do you want to be?” Or “I’ve booked us a consultation with that Dr Kevorkian for our Golden Wedding Anniversary. Put it in the diary and book the flight to Switzerland whilst our credit cards might still be authorised....” , or, chillingly,“It appears I’m worth more to you dead...”.
I look at my own pension portfolio through semi-closed fingers. It’s full of lots of little frozen company pensions from jobs I spent five or six years in each paying out about a fiver on maturity. It felt like I paid a lot in at the time but the cash appears to have gone through some kind of evaporation vortex. I’m totally buggered.
Still, it's not all doom and gloom. I remind myself that I’ll probably just be like my late gran, and her expensive cigarette habit aside, I should be able to live cheaply by never buying myself any new clothes given that “It’ll be a waste, because I’ll be dead soon.” Not even sequined shorts reduced from £25 to £5 that my elderly sister who I share a room with in the home has also bought herself.
And as for being one of those old ladies who can’t afford to put the heating on because they are too poor to pay their bills, I’ve got no worries. Because I still won’t be able to programme the bloody central heating anyway.

Posted by on 40, being a grown up, pensions, matrons at Thu, 04 Feb 2010 18:34:00 -0000

The huge and copious Scottish Roundup blog awards are up. The Misssives came third in their category of Best Personal Blog and I’m delighted despite noting the lack of cash prize (only kidding...)
Apparently over 1,500 votes were cast which is pretty great. There are loads of blogs I had previously never heard of and I suggest if you’re thinking that your blog reading list is a little tired that you get over there and check out some of the winners/runners up. I’m certainly going to, (even just to leave rude messages on the two blogs that beat me into third place).
The categories were wide- there are photography blogs, hyper local blogs, technology blogs, art blogs, newcomers' blogs- the lot. And if you’re a Scottish blogger who wasn’t nominated this year, then maybe get in about and start commenting on the Scottish Roundup-or start nominating your own posts for inclusion every week on the forum and you’ll start to get noticed. Duncan Stephen (the blogger, Dr Vee) runs the site with a few regular volunteers and has done a huge amount to give a platform to Scottish bloggers. He’s always looking for new blogs to highlight.
And remember chums, let’s not let 140 character quips kill blogging. Paragraphs rule!

Posted by at Thu, 04 Feb 2010 16:13:00 -0000
Posted by on My FIlm, auditions, school, Production Diary at Thu, 04 Feb 2010 13:03:00 -0000
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Posted at Thu, 04 Feb 2010 01:25:52 -0000
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